I know someone’s gonna call me out and say that my posts on substack are reeeeally inconsistent between political posts, to fictional short stories, and slightly-schitzo journals entries, but I really dgaf. And just think of all that I don’t post that’s in my notes app and notebooks. But anyway, this is consistent to how I think and I have free will and no job, so lemme live.
Ok, with that said, I will be ranking my favorite croissants in NYC.
I grew up greatly disliking croissants. Which is bizarre because my love for bread growing up was unmatched. I used to beg my my mom to let me eat an entire baguette to myself which she only let me *maybe* as a birthday present or after a near fatal experience in the hospital.
But as I matured into a more educated and cultured person, I began to fall in love with croissants.
Last year when I was in Paris, I tried a new croissant every morning for a week. When I was coming back through U.S. customs at 2 am, the officer asked me if I had anything to declare and I said “no” while I was smuggling four, squished, croissants inside my purse.
They’re just… perfect, flaky crust, soft and airy, buttery layers of dough. With a cup of coffee? DAMN. I could eat just croissants and coffee if it’s all I could afford. And I’ve been there… literally.
But the problem is, a lot of croissants suck (in the US). Like really suck. I don’t want to be a snob because the US seems to have too many options of everything, but it’s just reality. And people don’t understand. Most croissants are very inconsistent, I find. Most of them have soft outsides, are squishy, and taste like paper. It’s just white bread disguised in the appearance of croissant. How disrespectful.
And the sad thing is, some people think croissants are supposed to be bread-y or soft, because that’s all they know.
Sometimes I even fool myself. I think I have a good gauge of an authentic croissant just by looking at one, but when I bite into it, tears fill my eyes and darkness fills my soul.
I might be exaggerating, but after finally trying almost every coffee shop and bakery’s croissants (in my walking vicinity cos this is a biased post)— here are my top 5 (with reasonings)! I’m mostly ranking on flavor, texture, and price.
Note: I am NOT ranking those trendy bakeries, pop-up shops, and $50 croissants covered in candy and frosting that influencers pretend to take a bite of. With these places, you’ll never have to wait in line! Always in-and-out, easy to get croissants. Ok, let’s go.
5. Le Pain Quotidien
Various Locations, NYC
I’m gonna give this 5th place because it’s like $5.50 (lame) for a croissant, which it shouldn't be, but it’s bomb for the most part. I used to work one block from a Le Pain Quotidian and would bribe myself to do work to reward myself with a croissant at 2-3 pm.
Super buttery, flavorful, flakey outside. I like to pull it apart and dissect it. Ask them to warm it up.
4. Tasty Bread Artisan Bakery
131 Manhattan Ave, East Williamsburg
This small, family owned, Spanish-speaking bakery is amazing. It reminds me of childhood in Los Angeles. I’d give them first place for the staff, service, and overall bread they make, but I’m just ranking croissants here. I used to go here multiple times a week because my ex-boyfriend lived one block from here. Now I can’t go for that very same reason. UGH! But someone, please, go for me! And their croissants are only $2.50! Amazing. What more can I say?
3. Le Fournil
2nd Ave, East Village, New York
This one got approval from a real French man. This was also ranked as one of the best bakeries in NYC by the NYT’s. There’s never a line when I go here in the mornings, it’s fabulous.
I came here right before closing one evening with my very good friend visiting the states for the first time, who is also a health conscious nut who doesn’t eat croissants. BLASPHEMY. But I was craving one, tried it, liked it, and made him take a bite for approval, and his eyes glimmered. So that’s enough.
They’re extremely fresh, but if I’m putting on my chef’s toque and am a celebrity TV judge, I’d say it’s missing some butter, so I can’t give it a higher rating… But still dank, nonetheless. It’s right by me so I come here the most often. Comes out to about $3.95.
2. Bakeri
150 Wythe Ave, Williamsburg
While I side eye 98% of the places that exist in Williamsburg nowadays, this is not one of them. I could go on and on about how much I love this little bakery. I LITERALLY found it by following my fucking nose towards the most amazing smell of my life.
The ethereal scent lead me to a place that reminded me straight out of this small town in Wisconsin I grew up next to. It’s warm, comforting, and smells like a nice grandma is baking fresh desserts with secret recipes all day long. Not to mention the ambience is comforting too. I could curl up like a cat in the corner and sleep here all day. Every night I get on my knees, clutching a rosary in my hands, and pray that this place doesn't circulate on social media and become trendy.
But going back to the croissants… BIG, flakey crust, very buttery, and soft like a cloud on the inside. $4.00.
Not ranking this number one because you can tell that (ONLY sometimes) the croissants were left on a tray next to other desserts or baked near other desserts and catches the flavor on them. Like last time I could taste the lemon loaf on the crust. But this isn’t every time, just knocking it for unreliability in exact flavor each time.
1. Le Cafe Coffee
Various Locations, NYC
If anyone knows this cafe, or knows me, they’re probably going to ask wtf.
Hear me out, hear me out. I contemplated even putting this on here because I didn’t want to give away my TEN YEAR secret. But what the hell, let me do something selfless for my 3 subscribers.
This is my favorite croissant, because it is CONSISTENT. I’ve been coming here for ten years and never once have I had a bad croissant. It’s a hole in the wall cafe chain that looks very unassuming. You’re meant to be in and out, but, baby, I’d go out of my way to get a croissant from here. I love it because no one would guess that they have the best croissants in a million years. They usually warm it up for me which is nice, but also not necessary. When I’ve been depressed in the past, sometimes their croissant was the only thing to get me to eat or out of bed.
Large in size; crispy, flakey, crust; buttery flavor-but not greasy; soft, plush inside. You could unravel the outside and hear it crackle like a psycho if you’re freaky like that. It doesn’t matter how you eat it, it’ll be perfect every. damn. time. I’ve tried asking where they get their croissants from because it’s obvious they don’t make anything fresh there, and they won’t tell me… must be some big secret….
They recently upped the prices from $3.95 to $5.00 which makes me SICK, and I was gonna lower their ranking for this reason. But a decade of consistent croissants without fail in all categories is why it’s here.
Thanks for reading.
Edits: -“tote” instead of “toque.” autocorrect sorryyyyy
-Le Cafe corrected to Le Cafe Coffee, different place.
-corrected one misspelling of croissant 🤪
-Whole to hole*