I saw my life flash before my eyes and this is what I saw

They asked me how it was, and if it was everything I had imagined it would be, after waiting to experience it for the last few hundred thousand earth years as I watched it go by.

Only a flash of light had gone by, now that I see, but it felt so long to that version of me. I laughed remembering the range of emotions I felt and expressed throughout that time.

Do you remember it all? They asked me.

Yes, I remember. I replied smiling, seeing it all play out like a film before me.

It was very bright and blurry in the first few scenes. More like snippets. The adults talking, laughing, and smiling at me, but their words are just gibberish and unrecognizable. I smile back, mimicking their faces. It feels good. I press myself on their skin feeling the organic matter that makes up me is the same from them.

I watch my little soft hand exploring the textures around me. Rubbing paint together in my hands and smearing glitter across the table. Such a colorful mess. It smells like paste all around.

The scene cuts— and I pet the animals around me. Sometimes we understand each other better than I do with the taller versions of my species.

I like the sounds I hear. The music playing in the stereo of the car and I look out the window watching the trees pass by and the evening sunlight piercing through it. I feel safe here. The trees are talking to me in a language I understand without having to open a mouth to speak. They’re happy that I’m here, ‘smiling’ down on me.

I soon forget all this, and start assimilating. I see so many faces. All different kinds of faces with different features and marks. They all have different genetic makeup, personalities, beliefs, and cultures, but we’re all cut from the same giant soul. I like seeing how we’re all different kinds here now in this strange place. I am very interested in being this one. I don’t necessarily like it, more just a curiosity about this character and actualizing her.

The scenery changes. It’s summer and everything is in full bloom. My brother and I are collecting insects and flowers in our hands. Our friend comes up behind the tree and we all race down to the river together, screaming. This is one world, but we are creating more here. Magical ones, that are typically only told in fairytales. Maybe this is our stage? I like this feeling.

Feeling this kind of worry free, bliss, I and reminded of other feelings that are weaved in and out of this time. I then replay all these scenes of feeling extraordinary physical pain. I am looking down on me, unable to feel it, but see it. The person I was playing dissociates and joins me, onlooking the pain. I remember now.

I saw many others in physical pain as well, but I could not help them detach the same way I just did. That is a new emotion.

I see myself now in a bigger body, it is changing so quickly. I am uncomfortable and have unlocked a new sensation and array of feelings within me. My brain disagrees with my soul. Almost in disgust. I see glimpses of myself in a million mirrors but they flash by so quickly.

The scenes flicker and I close my eyes, because the sensations within are more than visual. I can feel all the ways I experiment with the senses that affect my body.

Tasting glorious foods fatty, buttery garlicky, and a million spices that dance on my tongue. I shock myself with something cold and sweet so suddenly—but it’s magic.

Smelling all sorts of smells like figs, lemons, wood, lilac, home cooked meals, coffee, different city streets, pheromones.

The things I eat and drink changing the sensations within my body and brain. Seeing things I wouldn’t normally see without them. It’s changing the chemicals in the brain, making my stomach feel sick, and the nerves numb.

I hear music. All these wonderful instruments and voices harmonizing in ways that triggers more senses than just auditory, a chill runs through and me and the waves dance in my body.

The scene skips to another, and I open my ‘eyes’ again, and I am seeing more faces pass by. Instead of little ones, they’re big. And all male. I am on a boat drifting by looking at all of them. They start off dark, and soulless mannequins. They can’t hurt me, but I feel a sense of disgust, fear, and distain. With each passing face, they show me new things that helped me grow. Some are so painful I can feel my heart stop beating until a new face appears. Some now, are surrounded by light look happy to see me.

I drift on a the boat alone for a while until they’re all gone. It’s peaceful and I enjoy this. I feel the breeze on my face and I feel whole. The clouds have parted and the sun is shining, but not harshly. The boat drifts towards a new figure.

The man wades in the water, walking towards me—smiling and reaching out. I can feel the warm evening sunlight that surrounds us inside my vessel in every cell. I feel like I should be as light as air like my soul, but I’m still grounded here.

This is a new feeling. Intoxicating yet freeing. Reaching out, I fall into the water, but he pulls me back up, into his arms, looking down on me, as I look up. He evens me out so we’re looking eye to eye in this river.

A new scene unlocks and I am simultaneously looking down on this laughing baby and looking up at myself smiling down. The man appears next to us, and it feels safe, and familiar from the early memories.

This isn’t a new feeling. It’s an old feeling. One that I have felt infinitely before being here and one I feel infinitely after. Ah, I remember now, I had just forgotten.

The film speeds up very quickly—almost too quickly. I am holding the hand of the baby that grows and changes within my own hand. It’s kind of magical to see. Seasons are a passing and old and new faces come and go.

My vessel that I came here in is changing again just as quickly, but I no longer feel distain and disgust, but more at peace. As I start to physically slow down more and more, the scenes around me speed up four times as quickly. I try to keep my eyes on all that it passing by, but it’s difficult.

As it’s spinning and spinning, flickering in and out I feel like I can’t hold on anymore. It’s time for the movie to end and I can feel all those collected emotions at once. It’s the most overwhelming and intense thing I have ever felt in my existence. I can’t even breathe—I literally am holding my breath overcome by all the emotions at once. And then, I don’t have to.

I let go completely and return to the original form.

I turned to them; It was everything I imagined, and more so, I said.